Subject Just however I seem to feel
DateCreated 4/3/2008 7:41:00 PM
PostedDate 4/3/2008 7:26:00 PM
Body I close my eyes, let everything and every sound around me disappear.
Eyes closed. Eyes closed. I type without even looking at the screen

Everything falls like leaves, so dead and dry,
but hard like bricks

And there is a sky above, or around
just everywhere, there is sky

there is no sun above or grass below. no feeling in my feet.
i pull the words together. they make me think
and slowly fall.

i guess i broke reality. why was all this meant to happen? and for what cause? what use is it to me? to anyone at all? this isn’t how I ever meant for it to be.

i lived each word I breathed. and I loved as much when I didn’t even speak.
I feel so cold, with every move I make, feel so weak.
i’m hungry but i just don’t care to eat.
i cry but nothing ever fixes anything. i’m fixing nothing. i do not even move a finger. laying on a deathbed.

couldn’t I just get up and walk out? but all the doors lead nowhere.
there is no sky above, just darkened air, no stars, no sun, no... light at all

If i step out the door I’ll be sucked up by water cold and dark

and so i close my eyes
I cannot look ahead.
I can’t look back
for the life of me I can’t. I cannot move or let go. or speak, or breath.

I try to pull the words together around me, suspened in the darkened pool

but nothing comes, I cannot in any simplest terms describe the way I feel

but I can say how I do not.

I do not see the sun
I do not feel the grass
I do not hear the wind cool the warmth that is the light that is the sun, the summer, light
I cannot feel around me safety. I close my eyes and there is no sun to light the lids of my eyes

I reach out and pull to me a rancid water. a stale water. a poisen water, bitter.

there is no skin, no warmth nearby there is nothing

I open up my eyes, and see no stars. This night I damn a million times more. More than anything. Those stars.
This sky is suffocating. Trapped between the sky and dirt, I need those holes of light to breath. I simply feel a pressure in me.

Where did I go? What did I become?

Never put your whole in someone.
I have no advice to give.
Never trust
Never love.
Rust, rust and rot

And soak up all the warmth of the sun in summer.

but life goes too fast.
You think, that at this moment, many people are dying. The world progresses slowly and yet so fast. Right now I know that peoples lives are ending. What of mine? If only I could gain such speed

the sharpness seen when watching everything but nothing at all.

there is no gravity but I sink.
and what will become of me?

I sold myself for small change
and then dropped it down the sink.
like all the tears before.

and these ones fall as well.
although there is no gravity, they fall
into that bitter water
wrapped around my waist.
as cold as death
I gasp for breath in breathless sky

I shake the gates around and scream out
until I lungs give out
there is no breath, but still this WHY

the tides recede. this bitter water, gone.

and before my feet a more painful thought
a million broken seashells and a million broken songs.

oh, in truth, in abscence of truth, there is no right and wrong.
it’s just all gone.